Pretty Woman
by OliviaHills
Summary: A game, a bet, a wig. And by the time Double D realizes how deep he's in, it's way too late to tell Kevin without getting punched in the nose. Edd/Kevin.
1. Kevin's Uneventful Day

It's just…what is this, I don't even.

It kinda just popped up when I was watching the show, and it simply wouldn't go away; it bothered me so much, I had to write it down. It was just an idea, since Double D is always blasting Eddy's plans (which deserve to be ridiculed, of course) and I just wondered, what if his plans worked at one point?

And that's where this little bit came from. If Edd's plans worked, and a bet was made.

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><p>01: It Worked, or Kevin's Almost Uneventful Day.<p>

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><p>Off the bat, as <em>soon <em>as it spewed out of Eddy's big mouth, Double D knew it wasn't going to work.

"No one's going to go for this," he remembers himself saying, thinking back to all the other failed cons and scams his friend had managed to spawn throughout the years, and thinking _'why would this one be any different_?', "Eddy, you can't market some cheap odor from your used gym socks, and try to market it as cologne. It just won't work."

"Oh yeah?" he remembers Eddy's snappy retort, as he wrung the sweat and whatever else the old sock held into a little bottle, "let's make a bet, sockhead. I sell at least ten of these things, you have to admit that I was right all along, and if I lose, I'll never do a scam ever again."

'No more scams?' Double D remembers cocking an eyebrow at the claim; he also remembers how his mother told him never to gamble (betting included) as it rots the brain, but her statement was duly noted. The only thing he could concentrate on was a full summer of nothing but relaxation, no money-making schemes or devious cons for the whole three months. He remembers it being against his better judgment, but in the end, he nodded.

"Fine, Eddy," he stuck out his hand, and the other shook it vigorously, "If I win, no more scams." Yet as he turned to let the subject go, he heard Eddy clear his throat.

"Actually, sockhead," suddenly Edd felt deep-rooted nervousness in his heart, as Eddy smiled a devious smile, "let's make it more…exciting. If you win, I'll quit scams cold turkey…but if_ I_ win, I want you, for a month, to dress like a girl. Wig, makeup, bra, the whole shebang."

He remembers taking a few minutes to mull the proposition over. Normally, he would have never of agreed to such daring stakes, but at the time, he remembers feeling a bit daring that day. He nodded, and definitely remembers shaking Eddy's hand for the final time.

"Fine. I accept your challenge."

"Well, good." He remembers Eddy had said, and remembers the final dastardly look in his eye before he turned back to flushing out his sock fluids once again, "get ready to wear a dress, sockhead."

On the contrary, he remembers being ready to go a full season without any ridiculous plans to try on the somewhat dim-witted children of the cul-de- sac; never would he prepare the foundation or go bra-shopping. He remembers being willing to bet his life on Eddy's plan being a total and complete failure, and the last thing he really remembers was walking away as if he had already won.

And suddenly, after an entire week had past, he remembers, there was a knock on his door.

"Eleven." Before Double D could even blurt out a quick greeting, a paper showing the record of the sales was shoved in his surprised face, "I sold eleven bottles, sockhead."

"No." he remembers yanking the records from Eddy's palms, scanning the thing over once, twice, thrice; eleven buyers. Eleven people purchased his foul concoction, eleven people unknowingly spritzing sock sweat on their skin, _eleven_, _eleven_, _eleven_…

"And if I remember, our bet said to sell ten." The paper was thrust out of Double D's hands, and another item, something soft and floral and nice smelling, was pushed into them; and Eddward remembered it took him a good whole minute to realize he was staring at a dress, "so have a good time getting ready, sockhead. It starts tomorrow."

With that, and a smug, I-won-you-lost smile, Eddy turned, nearly skipping away from Double D's doorstep and back to his own house, whistling and humming all the way back. And for some reason, the world turned black and his face hit the stair, he didn't remember anything after that.

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><p>Monday, on whatever day in the dead of winter, had begun as an uneventful day for Kevin.<p>

He woke up. He took a shower. He ate his breakfast. He caught the bus. And he prayed to the stars above only the morning would be a bore; something amazing would happen at school today.

But first period went by, sadly, without a fluke. As did second, and third and fourth and Kevin listened to his teachers prattle on about Shakespeare to The Civil War, scribbling notes on the board. Subconsciously, he felt his hand furiously scrawling down their lectures, though his mind was somewhere far away from Peach Creek High; maybe on a tropical island surrounded by babes, or a dirt bike competition of which he had been the winner of, or, hell, back home asleep—anywhere had to of been better than the borefest they called a classroom.

The bell to fourth period rang, and though he felt himself arise from his seat, again his brain was somewhere in the clouds. It came back into the atmosphere when he felt someone poke his shoulder, and the smell of pork and pickles he was so fond of wafted into his nostrils.

"Hey, Rolf," he waved a hand, though it looked more like a shrug-off rather than a wave, but of course the foreign boy didn't mind; in fact, as Kevin actually came back down to Earth and managed to catch a glimpse of Rolf's face, it looked as if an angel had come to him in a dream, and nothing could bother him at all, "what's goin' on?"

"'Ave you heard, Kevin?" the football player noted the far-off look in his eye, almost identical to the one Kevin had sported not moments ago, but one major detail he was missing, but couldn't quite put his finger on, "we have received a new student."

"New student?" Finally, something somewhat exciting; there hadn't been anyone new to Peach Creek (save the Freshman) for years, "what's his name?"

"It is a girl, silly child," Rolf sighed, and Kevin could practically see the hearts in his eyes; the damned fool was love-struck, he should have figured out, "_Edwina_. A beautiful name that burns Rolf's heart with the intensity of a thousand bursting suns."

"Poetic, dude." He admitted he didn't know his friend had such a way with words, "she must be one foxy babe, huh?"

Rolf opened his mouth, probably to belt out more praise for this mystery chick, when his eye caught something beyond Kevin's vision, and he clamped up; Kevin heard the obnoxious voice of Eddy and the dimwitted sayings of Ed from his hearing, and another, softer, lighter tone he couldn't recognize. He began to turn, when a pair of hands lifted him up and did the turning for him.

"_There_, Kevin! Have your eyes ever gazed over such a beautiful sight?"

The redhead let the beginning of a shout loose, as Rolf knew how much he didn't like being manhandled, until the two Ed's stepped out of the way, and someone completely foreign to Peach Creek stood in his line of sight.

There, in a pretty blue and white floral dress, she stood, black hair about down to her bra-strap and back hunched over in silent embarrassment. He could see the blush on her cheeks from even where he was standing, a hallway away, as she smoothed out the folds in the clothing and handed Eddy a few of his books. He said something to her, which made the girl turn and sport a look of shame, and Kevin had half a mind to punch that little squirt in the face, making a beautiful girl like that be embarrassed.

"Damn." he muttered to himself, shaking his head at his internal overreacting; behind him, Rolf chittered away in love-struck glee, prattling on and on about how great it would be for her to go back with him to the mother country and meet Nana and Papa and Mama, and Kevin simply nodded when needed, still staring at the girl from across the hall, until a pair of fingers snapped in front of his eyes.

"Yoo-hoo! Earth to Kevin! Hallo?"

Rolf was never renowned for his soft tones, and his shouts as he tried to bring the boy back down again were heard across the school; and before he could even turn, the new girl looked up, looked at him for a millisecond behind long eyelashes, and skittered down a hall, Edd and Eddy calling after her. Kevin watched the entire scene unfold in silence, and finally, when the final bell for school rang, he turned with Rolf and headed out the front door.

"You know, Rolf," as they were walking outside, the duo ran into Edd and Eddy, and Kevin made sure to give them glares as they passed by. They walked close to the buses, filled with children already, and out of all the people he could have seen, she was there; sitting as graceful as a swan, as quiet as a gazelle in the bus seat, and Kevin, though he would never admit it, felt him damn heartstrings tug just a little bit, "maybe this day wasn't such a damn bore."

Rolf said nothing; he simply laughed.


	2. Edd's Very Eventful Day

Thanks for the reviews you guys; you're all lovely people.

Lovely, lovely, lovely, people.

I happen to love Ed's in drag, and its where this thing spawned from; in this chapter, Double D must adjust to the new vibrant lifestyle of 'Edwina', and Kevin ogles the new girl,.. Not much l'amour, as of yet, but it's coming; give it a few more chapters, and it will come. This is the first chapter, but told in Edd's point of view.

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><p>02: Edwina, or Eddward's Very Eventful Day.<p>

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><p><em>6:58<em>.

The clock ticked by slowly, agonizingly, yet he was determined to keep his eyes locked onto the digital numbers; no movement would hiccup his icy gaze, as he waited for the numbers to finally change, and he could start and finish the first day of the deal. Smoothing the soft fabric of his dress over his legs, Edd toyed with the wig so it neatly graced his head, wiped a smudge from rogue mascara that smeared his cheek, and completed the necessary adjustments that would make the outfit more believable. After all, he would be sporting it for a good month; he might as well be used to it as soon as possible.

_6:58_.

"Curse modern technology," he muttered, as he fixed his eyes back upon the clock once again, and, to his chagrin, found the damned thing flashing the same numbers at him, "I bet they do this purposely, to give people like myself an anxiety attack…"

_6:59_. Finally, the numbers had switched, and it was then he rose from the bed, adjusting the straps to the bra (thank god for Sarah's growth spurt) so they wouldn't slip from his shoulders, and took the backpack in one hand, as the mirror passed him by. Edd looked back as he caught a fleeting glimpse of his reflection, and for a moment, he looked towards the door, then at the mirror. To the door, and back to the mirror. The door and the mirror.

"Oh, why not?" he broke; the pressure was too much for him to handle. Placing the knapsack on the floor, he straightened up the wig and approached his dresser, the mirror sitting directly above it, and stared in.

He wasn't too bad of a cross-dresser, if he had to say so. In fact, Double D found his feminine ruse quite a believable disguise; all his life he had been a scrawny and runty boy, but as a female, he could effortlessly pull it off. He was staring at a thin girl, with long eyelashes that almost brushed his cheek at every blink and shoulder-length black hair that had a neat shine to it. Her eyes were a pretty blue, and the blush of her cheeks made him think of a rose; if it hadn't of been himself, Double D would've harbored a major crush on this girl.

A car horn honked, startling him out of his stupor, and giving himself a quick look over, Edd grabbed the bag, shaking his head the entire way through the house.

"How narcissistic," he muttered, fixing the stupid wig once again; by the time the car honked again, the cold air slapped Double D in the face as he stepped outside, "checking myself out in the mirror. How sad."

But he had to admit, he was one attractive female.

"_Damn_, sockhead," as he stepped into the car, Eddy raised a brow, shamelessly looking over Double D and his 'new additions', "gotta admit, you clean up nice."

"Hello to you too, Eddy, Ed," the loveable oaf peeked over the front seat, waving heartily at Edd, his smile losing none of its brilliance even after taking in his friend's new appearance; Eddy waved offhandedly, unable to take his eyes off of Double D, "do you think anybody will recognize me? If they do, I think I'll succumb to death by embarrassment."

"Double D, I barely even recognize you. I've been checking you out the entire time."

He scoffed, flipping the black hair back behind his shoulder and staring into middle distance, not at the car interior but not at the moving outside world; pointedly, Edd made it obvious to not look Eddy in the eye, though he could feel the other's piercing gaze from the mirror on him.

"That's completely uncalled for," he scolded, unable to sit still during the few moments of silence, "and, just to remind you, I do have standards just like the other women in the school."

Eddy turned around, raising a brow at the irritated imposter, "Are you rejecting me?"

"Frankly, yes."

Double D folded his arms, staring at the passing landmarks and trees he had seen his entire lifetime, just the faintest traces of a smile crossing his lips; amusedly, he made no movement as Eddy's audible groan filled the silence of the car, and as he saw his friend's middle finger rise high into the air.

"Cold as ice, sockhead," he pouted, suddenly spinning the wheel to make a sharp, narrow turn; Double D barely had enough time to grab onto the seat in front of him as the car went flying, and he saw a flash of green when Ed's head softly hit the glass of the window, "cold as ice."

The wild ride came to a complete stop right smack in the middle of the school's parking lot. Already, though his head spun like a pinwheel on a windy summer day, he could see the kids filing into the three-floor building, books in hand and mouths going a mile a minute, rough-housing with friends or sitting down on the school's benches and reading a book; at the mere sight of these people, people he encountered every single day and knew by name, a sharp pain flared in Eddward's stomach. He was portraying the role of the new girl, fresh from San Francisco and ready to get a taste of the simple, quiet life of Peach Creek. But if someone ever got wind of the true story, if someone found out what was really going on…

Subconsciously, he straightened the wig, though the hairpiece had already been righted and applied correctly at the house; he toyed with the hem of the dress, smoothed over the heels of the shoes, brushed away any hint of makeup marks, anything that would give no one a reason to believe she was a he, Double D wiped away. Suddenly, a thought struck him so suddenly he actually jumped up in fear, grabbing the edges of the seat as if he let go he would go flying out. His friends in the front turned simultaneously, the same mix of surprise and confusion in their faces.

"What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I didn't talk to the office!" he nearly shrieked, grabbing at the ends of the wig, "this won't work! They'll call me by my real name and everyone will know who I actually am and my reputation will be ruined and I'll have to drop out and then I'll be a complete failure and I'll have to resort to using drugs to mask the pain and to get the drugs I'll have to sell myself and there's no way I'm letting some sweaty old guy touch me _there_—"

"Chill out, sockhead. I got you covered."

Double D failed to 'chill out'; in fact, he began to breathe harder, and he nearly felt the beginnings of a panic attack at the mere sight of the building that would surely ruin him.

"What do you _mean_ 'chill out'!" The sentence was at a near-ear shattering level; throwing his hands in the air in rage, he refused to even look out the window until he straightened this obstacle out. Eddy simply laughed, and a cold gust of wind blew through the car as he opened the door.

"I mean _chill out_. I had the entire thing covered yesterday."

"Covered? What do you mean—"

"I mean I covered _everything_," he reiterated, moving his hands in a mock smoothing gesture, "I…well, Ms. Lee talked to the principal and all the teachers. They're expecting _Edwina_ Marian Lee in class today, not Eddward Marian Lee."

"…Huh." He managed to spit the one word out, gazing at his usually selfish friend with such awe his companion actually turned away, grumbling at the starry gaze; what he did must've been a hell and a half of paperwork to sign, and taken a lot of effort and patience, "you're really not going to let me off this bet, are you?"

"Hell no." A paper with small print was shoved into his hands, and he could easily recognize it as a class schedule; on the top someone had scrawled the name Edwina, her grade and age and date of birth and under it were all the teachers she would have. He noted, though to himself, that Eddy made sure none of his regular classes would undergo change. Technically, if Edwina and Eddward were two separate identities, they would be seated next to each other every day; frankly, it was a weird thing to think about.

"Your classes, sockhead. Edwina today, Eddward tomorrow," he read Double D's mind to a T, stepping out into the open air of Peach Creek and slamming the door behind him, and Edd refused to return that smug grin he was given from outside the car's window, "let's start your first day, shall we?"

The backdoor of the car swung open, and though his companion held out a hand, Double D refused to accept it; slinging the knapsack over one shoulder, he slid out of the car, pulling the dress on the parts where it rode up. Already, he noticed a student from his chem class eyeing him like a lion on a gazelle, and resisted the urge to bolt right back into the vehicle, hijack the driver's seat and return home, where he could finally be rid of this ridiculous get-up and go back to regular, bookworm, Eddward.

But he made a bet; he made a bet, decided their wager, and shook on it. There was not a thing he could do now, except hope April turned out to be a very quick, un-progressive month.

"Lets." He smiled back at that smug grin, walking in unison with his two best friends as the building loomed in front of them, it's once welcoming doors now an entrance to unknown circumstances and adventures for Edwina.

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><p>Double D had never blushed so much in his lifetime.<p>

It began in the wee hours of the school day, after the bell for first period had rang and Ms. Simmons had gone through the customary actions of introducing the 'cute' new girl to their Geometry class and made her take a seat. Of course, first period was the one time of the day he didn't have Ed or Eddy for companionship, and the little delinquent that always sat behind him in class, Sheldon Ratzvy, would always find some way to mock him; whether it be his lack of muscle or his social awkwardness, he would always find something.

Imagine the surprise on Eddward's (or Edwina's) face when a little sticky note with the words _'u free Saturday nite -S'_ scrawled in the middle of the paper appeared on his desk. The cretan would never allow the little nerdy boy to talk back to him; but he was no longer a little nerdy boy. He was the new girl fresh out of Los Angeles, who didn't like when people asked her out on sticky notes, and he made sure that obnoxious monster knew that.

"I wish I could've been there to see the look on his face!" Eddy roared with laughter, holding his sides as he walked with Edwina to second period, ignorant of the glowers and stares he received from passing men-folk, "Not even an hour in and you've already rejected someone. Sockhead, I think that's got to be a cross-dressing record."

"Ha-ha," the laugh was dry, humorless; he swatted at a rogue hand reaching for the back of his dress, sent a glare at the football player that gave him a flirtatious wink, "I never knew a wig could wield so much _power_. It's like everywhere I go I'm getting ogled or groped, or a combination," he played with the artificial strands of hair, sighing as it curled around his finger and bounced back up into place, "in the wrong hands, this can be used to destroy whole civilizations."

Eddy shook his head, "Well then, let's keep it on your head, okay?" holding open the door, he swept his hand in a mock-gesture of chivalry, ushering the drag-queen inside, "ladies first."

He shook it off, taking the customary seat next to Ed like usual (after the introduction, of course) unable to fully listen to the teacher's rousing lecture on physics when the two boys in the back were talking loudly about how big the new girl's boobs were; thankfully, the class went relatively swimmingly, and third, fourth, fifth-six and seven-eight went along without much of a hassle. There were the few scattered ass grabs and accidental bumps in the mix, but he could live with them.

Ninth period; Albertha Culkins, sixty-eight, a retired Olympic swimming champion and ex-songwriter, prattled on about the Shakespearian novel about some shrew when the bell finally rang; Double D had never heard such a sweeter sound in existence, and he resisted the urge to nearly bolt out the door as he waited for his companions to follow suit.

"So how was your first day as Edwina?" he winked, slinging a shoulder over Double D's small shoulders; the appendage was promptly tossed aside, and Eddy received a scalding look from the smaller male, "looks like you had a lot of fun, right?"

"Yeah, Double D," Ed chimed in, stuffing the books into his locker while simultaneously slurping down the gravy he had stolen from the lunch room like a gross slushie, "you must have a magnet in your brain, cause lots of guys were reaching out to touch you!"

The 'girl' scoffed softly; slinging the backpack over his shoulder once again, Edd began to head towards the doors to freedom, "After today, I never want to see a male adolescent again. They're all so…touchy-feel-y." He shivered.

"Don't look now, but I think someone over there would like to touchy-feel you up." He snickered, slamming the locker door shut and turning Double D's head to the crowded hallway; at first, he saw nothing but the scattered faces in the crowd, walking by and minding their own business, and as he turned back to ask Eddy what the problem was, he _saw_ the problem.

The patch of red hair caught his eye first; then the tight blue shirt that all the football players wore and the cut-off pants came next. And though he stared him right in the eye, it took him a good second to realize it was Kevin he was looking at. Or, more accurately, it was Kevin that was looking at him.

_Staring _at him, more like it. Staring at him like he was the only person in the hallway that ever mattered, or would ever matter to him, staring like truly, he was interested in this new girl and intrigued by her presence; staring like if he would take his eyes off her, she would be lost to oblivion.

And frankly, the stare was creeping him out.

"What's wrong with him?" He whispered to Eddy; the other simply laughed, guiding the distracted Double D out with a hand to the back.

"He's got the hot's for the new girl."

"Not funny, Eddy." One last time, he turned to look back. Sure enough, Kevin hadn't budged. He could see the blue hair and head of Rolf attempting to guide him out of the school and into the car, but he simply refused to move; and just to humor him, Double D smiled, blinking the eyelashes the nicest way he could manage, and turning around before he could catch Kevin's reaction. He didn't need to see it to know what it was; he had been seeing that face all day.

"Not funny."


	3. Gravy Days

Sorry it's been such a long time you guys! I was really busy lately, and finally I've found the time to work on one of my unfinished (and going to be unfinished for a long time, cause there are many more chapters to come) stories. Expect my full return by either May or June.

Hope you guys enjoy the chapter! Finally, more Kevin/Edd interaction!

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><p>03: Gravy<p>

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><p>"Eddy, I accept the fact that, when we had first set the terms of our 'agreement', I did promise a full thirty days of <em>Edwina Marie<em>," as he spoke, the teacher droned tirelessly in the front of the class, barely paying the twenty-five or so drowsy students any mind, and Edd had no need to whisper to the boy next to him; talking in class was something he would never dream of doing on a regular basis, oh no, but Double D felt this matter could be avoided no longer, "but…but I realize now that I had made a hasty decision, and I—I beg you—"

Eddy gnawed the bottom of his pencil, "Lower the days?" he finished.

"Yes!" Eddward bobbed his head vigorously, immediately lowering his voice as heads turned and the wig nearly went lopsided, "…I mean, if it's not too much…"

The teacher turned, shooting a glare Double D's way and he flashed his teeth and batted his eyelashes, coating the action with artificial girlishness; it satisfied the man, however, and the nasty look dropped with the unsaid reprimand. He flipped back to the board, scribbling down a math problem with pasty chalk, and Double D turned back to Eddy.

The teenager made sure the teacher had begun rambling once again, before he leaned over, closer to Double D, "Let you off the hook, or let you suffer for another month…let you off the hook…let you suffer…hook…suffer…"

Eddward groaned softly, "_Eddy_—"

"Sorry, sockhead," his companion reached over, ruffling the wig atop Double D's hatless head until Eddward pulled back, swatting the hand away, "you just look so _cute_ in drag. And you've been doing good so far; hell, the month is almost up."

"It's been one day."

"And only twenty-nine days left!" Eddy grinned mischievously, stifling a snicker at the pout on Double D's face; the conversation came to an abrupt end as the teacher whirled around in an attempt to catch the pair in the midst of their conversation, but Edd had turned back to the lecture and Eddy's laughter had been subdued seconds ago.

Eddward sighed, propping his elbows on the desk and allowing his head to fall into his palms. The algebra, usually so familiar and simple to solve, became almost foreign to him, and the variables and numbers blurred into unrecognizable squiggles as his mind drifted far away from the classroom.

'_And only twenty-nine days left—'_

The words replayed in his mind almost endlessly. Twenty nine more days. Twenty nine more days.

'_Twenty nine more days isn't an eternity_,'Double D, in an attempt to look at the situation with an optimistic twist, rationed with himself, '_yesterday wasn't that terrible. Just a few looks and whispers, nothing too terrible, nothing I can't handle—"_

And for the first time in twenty-four hours, Eddward allowed the tease of a smile to appear at his glossed lips. Peach Creek High school was a mostly uneventful place anyway; aside from the high probability of being asked out or going out on a date, he predicted this would pass easy. Nothing to worry about; nothing to upset himself over.

He turned toward Eddy, and as the formation of a taunt began, the door burst open.

"Sorry we're a little late, Mister Rappaport!" he could recognize that accented voice and the frizzed mop of red hair anywhere, and Double D felt his veins run cold. They hadn't been at school for the past week; during those days, he completely overlooked them.

"Oh no…" he mouthed. Eustace Rappaport eyed the trio in distaste marking something on his notepad surely for their lack of passes and interrupting of the class, but failed to say anything. He went back to the lesson, blabbering away as the three found their way to their seats, all three desks directly next to each other, and right behind Double D and Eddy.

His companion groaned, sneaking a glance Eddward's way; he mumbled a swear as the leader of the trio, and Eddy's biggest admirer, sent a crumpled piece of paper flying towards the back of Eddy's head, yet the boy did not bother turning back. His rage marinated quietly, and Eddward prayed everything would go smoothly after that miniscule incident.

Well, someone must've not been too happy with him on that day, because things were progressively going to be plummeting downhill for Eddward after that moment.

"Psst! Psst!" the whispering was directed at him, no doubt, but Double D kept his back ridged and his eyes on the lesson, until a little paper ball was shot directly towards his head; Eddy whirled around at the action, mouth wide open and ready to give the trio a piece of his mind, but Edd stopped him calmly, slowly turning around to face the second oldest of the Kanker sisters; Marie Kanker.

"Hey, you ain't Double D," Lee's face drooped for a second, only to be replaced by a look of irritation, "who the hell are you and where's my boo-boo bear?"

'_I am most certainly not your boo-boo bear.'_ He grit his teeth in anger, but managed to keep the greeting cordial, sticking out a manicured hand and pulling back teeth into a smile.

"My name is Edwina Marian. I just transferred from the neighboring school, Cherry River Regional; I'm afraid I haven't the slightest idea who this 'boo-boo bear' you're referring to is, however," smile, bat eyelashes, be open, "I apologize, Miss-?'

The blue-haired girl snorted, "Marie Kanker. These are my sisters, Lee Kanker," she stuck her thumb out at the redhead, who nodded, "and May Kanker," the blonde giggle-snorted, and Marie leaned in closer to Edd, "she ain't the brightest bulb in the pack."

"How…unfortunate," Edd muttered, watching in feigned interest as May pulled Marie's blue hair roughly, nearly sending her headfirst into the desk until Marie pushed her away. After a quick bout of hair pulling and slaps, it was obvious the blue-head was the victor, and she put her heel on May's head, unwilling to let her sister up from the ground as she spoke to Double D.

"Whatever. _Eddy,_" she fixated toward the silent student, who groaned disgustedly as he heard his name spewed from the dirty mouth of trailer park trash, "you wouldn't happen to know where my little nerd cutie went, do you?"

The teenager snuck a smirk Edd's way, and the boy had a bit of trouble keeping his mouth straight at that look; his friend turned back to the Kankers, not a hint or tease of playfulness in his features, and shrugged his shoulders.

"Haven't seen him. Probably out sick, I guess." Double D looked at Eddy incredulously, shocked that that was the only lie he could conjure up. Eddy caught that look, and counteracted it with a wink.

"Out _sick_, baby boy?" Lee repeated, smoothing her fingers over Eddy's shoulders, and the boy recoiled.

"Don't call me baby boy."

"Well then, don't make up shitty lies." Marie retorted, and Double D turned around, acting like he didn't catch that glare or look of disgust on the girl's face; the bell for lunch rang, a blessing from the gods finally, and Eddward wasted no time gathering his books and nearly bolting out of the door, cautious when the Kanker trio passed by. Eyes attentive to only the task of stuffing the hefty binders in the black costume purse, Double D nearly dropped his books in alarm when he felt hot breath on his ear.

"I don't know who the hell you are," he could tell it was Marie, though his face was plastered in one direction, too terrified to turn around, "but I don't like you talking to any of _our_ men."

Double D nearly scoffed; he wasn't, and would_ never_ be interested in men, much less his best friends. He opened his mouth to retort, and then mulled the fact over that if he were to say the wrong thing to the girl, there was a good chance he could end up getting punched right in the nose.

Edd closed his mouth. Marie smiled.

"Good. You keep off my man, and we won't have any problems. You got me?"

The side of his mouth twitched. Softly, he nodded.

"I understand."

"Good." And with that, the final of the trio took her leave, leaving in her wake an oblivious Eddy and a somewhat put-off Double D.

"Eddy," he looked up, where his best friend stood throwing his books into the backpack, obviously eager to depart, "I don't think the Kankers like me much in drag. They seemed a bit…hostile."

"Chill, sockhead," Eddy slung the knapsack over his shoulder, pulling Double D out of the classroom and into the fray, where the mass of kids departing their classrooms for lunchtime was mild-calamity and he could barely get two feet without being pushed by a harried student, "you know women get all defensive when there's new competition."

Edd grimaced, careful to stay behind Eddy as they parted the crowd like the Red Sea, "New _competition_? You mean they actually think—"

"That you're out to steal me," they reached the cafeteria, where the pair dropped their stuff at the end of the table and leisurely walked towards the lunch line; slinging an arm over Double D's shoulder, Eddy leaned in close, "I'm quite the catch, sockhead."

The brunette scoffed, shaking off the comment with a roll of the eyes and a snort, "Calm down, Romeo."

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name, and I'll think about it."

Edd smiled; from the end of the line came a wave, and Double D couldn't keep the grin off his lips as Ed's flat face came into view, chin already dripping with a gooey grey substance.

"Hey Eddy and _Edna_," in an attempt (well, Ed's attempt) at subtly, the loveable lug jarred his elbow into Edd's midsection, knocking the breath out of him at the unexpected hit, "Do you know what they're making for lunch today? I almost jumped out of my pants when I heard!"

"It's _Edwina_, Ed. And judging by the thick, gooey liquid on your face, Ed," sending a glare Eddy's way as the teenager laughed, the trio moved further into the line where the initial meal was being served, "and by what they just threw on my tray, I'm deducing it as some sort of gravy dish?"

Ed beamed, "Even better! It's gravy…but with little turkey bits inside." He whispered. Edd and Eddy snuck a glance at each other, grimacing at the almost disgusting look of the meal, yet Ed's happy disposition remained undaunted. With the three trays in their hands (in Edd's case, three trays to _himself_ in his hands) the trio finally escaped the din of the lunch line.

"This looks so gross," Eddy poked the liquid-y, chunky slop with a spoon, mock gagging as Ed lifted the entire plate to his lips and slurped it down, "damn, monobrow, you think you could wait until we get to the table."

Ed paused, lowering the plate, "Nope."

Double D laughed, patiently holding the tray in between his fingers as he waited for Eddy to douse the dish with a handful of salt, and off they went, "I don't know, Eddy. Maybe it tastes better with your eyes closed."

"So I have to eat this shit blind?"

"That wasn't really what I—"

Edd stopped. Though the faces and voices of the cafeteria bustle blurred together until they were simply moving blobs of colors until they got close enough to identify, Double D could definitely recognize the brick red of Lee Kanker's hair; though her eyes were covered by that mass of hair, her face was turned in their direction. The dead giveaway sat right next to her, however, as he locked eyes with May.

"Do you see that?" he muttered to his companion, and the duo turned Double D's way.

Ed was the first to speak. "See what, _Edna_?"

Double D glanced that way one wore time; the two had disappeared into the crowd, and for a moment, he thought about checking himself. Maybe Double D was just being a little paranoid.

"Nothing," he shrugged it off, laughing at his actions, "It's nothi—"

He didn't even have time to finish as a hand forced his tray upwards, nor did he have time to close his eyes and cover his face as the gravy hit him dead on. Edd gasped, and the taste of rancid gravy filled his mouth.

"Marie, what the _hell_?" he heard Eddy scream, but it sounded distant; in fact, the din of the cafeteria had subsided, and a ringing had replaced it. Wiping the gravy residue from his eyes, Double D didn't stay long enough to see the outcome of the event; the first chance he got, Edd stumbled out of the large room, the regret of this bet eating away at him like a parasite.

Unaware that someone had followed him out.

"How disgusting," he lamented; unable to even mull the idea of going into the correct bathroom with the wig and silicone lumps for breasts, Double D charged into the women's washroom, wiping off the main quantity of the gravy, "how filthy, how dirty, how _demeaning_."

His breaths came out shallow. Careful to avoid smearing the makeup even more, he wiped along the crevices of his face and neck delicately; even attempting to wash the gravy out of the blue sweater and black leggings ensemble (all courtesy of Eddy, and Double D was reluctant to even question where he had scavenged these clothes) would prove futile. Though the clothes themselves weren't ruined beyond recognition, he was mortified to go back outside with the large brown stain trailing down the sweater and the thick scent of gravy following him.

Double D sighed. At least his face was clean.

Oh, how he wished he would've thought twice about stuffing his gym clothes into the locker, at the time oblivious to their importance in a situation such as this. Then again, he didn't exactly count on already making an enemy on his...um, _her_, third day of school.

_And to think, only twenty-nine more days._

Leaning against the sink, he allowed his head to fall into his open hands, moaning softly as he ran his fingers through his hair. Double D had never handled any type of conflict well, especially conflict directed towards himself, and the stress already well-frayed his nerves. He certainly didn't want to go back out there.

A knock on the bathroom door left his hands empty as he sat up in alarm, and expecting it to come swinging open at any moment, he righted himself.

"I saw what happened out there."

No wonder the door hadn't moved; the speaker was very masculine. Something about that voice though, the matter-of-fact undertone made the gears in his head begin to whir. Silence overtook the bathroom, and it took Edd a good minute to realize whoever was on the other side was waiting for him to respond back.

"I think everybody did," he rushed, stumbling over the words, "I was standing right in the middle of the cafeteria. It would be more surprising if someone missed it."

"It wasn't that big of a deal, y'know," Double D looked at the door, wondering if the person outside had understood his embarrassment about the whole situation, "you handled it pretty well. It probably would've been easier to scream at her, or throw a punch and make a big deal out of nothing. It's just gravy."

Double D sighed. He gave it a good effort, but the guy just didn't get it.

"I guess," he began, "but that doesn't exclude the fact that the entire situation was absolutely mortifying. I mean, I had the type of food they could only afford to serve in prison dumped on me. My clothes are ruined."

"Clothes?" he heard rustling on the other side, like the sound of a plastic bag being opened, "clothes aren't a problem, if that's all you're worried about. Here."

Briefly, the door opened, wide enough only so the boy could stick an oversized shirt and sweatpants through the crack, and at the receiving of the clothes the hand was immediately pulled back out.

"They aren't dirty. It's my gym clothes, but I washed them."

The pants were huge. Holding them up in front of his eyes, Double D nearly gawked at the sight of them, but regardless shed the old pants and shirt in place of fresher, baggier clothes. For once in his life, he thanked the stars above for his slim frame.

"How'd they fit?"

That voice nearly startled him, but Edd stayed silent; after many minutes of cautious inspection to be positive everything was in order, he pulled the door back.

"I'd like to thank you personally for—"

"It's no big deal, beautiful," Kevin laughed, patting Double D-Edwina on the shoulder; he simply stared incredulously at the…very gentlemanly gesture on his part, "I felt really bad about what happened to you back there, and I figured your clothes were ruined so…" he trailed off, laughing.

Kevin.

_Kevin_.

Kevin, the boy who had made their lives torture many years ago. Kevin, who went out of his way each day to cut down their self-esteem one _dork_ at a time. Kevin, the boy who…

Who was now getting all flustered by simply looking at Edwina.

"..Thank you." Unable to find the right words, Edd simply went with the easiest. For Kevin, however, it was more than enough; the redhead couldn't keep the grin off his lips, "you have dimples."

Kevin furrowed his brows, "What?"

"I..I, uh…" Double D stuttered, unaware he'd been thinking out loud until he'd been called out; but even remembering all the way back to early childhood, he had lived in the same neighborhood as Kevin, yet for the life of him, couldn't conjure an instance from his memories in which Kevin actually smiled. He could remember Kevin screaming or hitting or simply complaining, but he couldn't remember the last time he had seen his smile.

"S-sorry. I just doted on the small indents appearing on your cheeks every time you smile," it was almost comical, the lost look Kevin was sporting as Double D continued to ramble, so he slowed it down, and translated, "I like your dimples. I've always wanted dimples."

This time, he nodded his head. The duo looked up simultaneously as the bell signaling the end of lunch rang, and the din of refreshed students came like a flash mod through the hallways. Double D smiled at Kevin, sure to crinkle the corners of his eyes and show a quick flash of teeth for full effect.

"Thank you so much, Kevin. I'll be sure to bring them back by tomorrow."

"It's no problem…um…"

"Edwina," sticking out a sleeve-covered hand, he smiled as Kevin shook it heartily, "nice to meet you."

"Kevin. And don't freak about this," he motioned to the soiled clothes under Edwina's armpit, "first days are always tough. Especially if you manage to piss off the Kanker Clan…but they'll forget. Give it time."

"Hey, Edwina!" the pair looked around; Eddy and Ed, lugging his misplaced bag on Ed's free shoulder, neared them. Kevin raised a brow, and he shrugged it off with a wave of the hand.

"Well…" he stammered. Edward had never mastered the art of saying goodbye, "thanks again, Kevin. I mean if it wasn't for you—"

The redhead waved it off, "It's no big. And you can use the clothes as long as you want, they're just gym stuff."

He nodded. His friends lurked behind them, as Eddy watched the exchange with a mischievous grin on his lips and Ed clasped his hands together, making mock kissing sounds and laughing wholeheartedly with him. Double D smiled, elbowing Eddy in the ribs and laughing as he heard the swear that came afterwards.

"Thanks," he turned back, retrieving his belongings from an irritated looking Eddy, "I'll see you around?"

He nodded, hiking his backpack on his shoulders as the bell rang, "Of course. Next time it'll be, y'know…not outside the bathroom door."

The pair laughed, awkwardness radiating out of the sound, and Double D turned back jumping into the fray of students with his two best friends staring holes into his head. He turned, and with one final glance watched the orange-red of Kevin's hair lost to the crowd.

"Damn, sockhead," Eddy shook his shoulder, letting loose a low whistle afterwards, "we leave for what, two minutes, and you manage to grab the attention of one of the biggest douchebags in the school?"

"He's not a douchebag," Double D snapped, "he's…actually quite a gentleman."

"Our little girl is in love!" Ed exclaimed, and Edd stayed silent as the two laughed at his expense. It didn't even register to him; he was looking at the mass, where the blue and red and yellow colors of Kanker hair faded into the din of excited high school students.

The clothes in his hands were soaked. The smell of gravy followed him like a stink, and all over, he simply felt sticky. But he couldn't say he was really bothered by anything, nor was he mad at anybody. Double D would never, ever, admit to his friends, but his concern was stuck on how nice Kevin's clothes smelt, under the stench of gravy.

Edd sighed. Only twenty-nine more days to go.

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><p>Hope you guys liked it! Review please!<p> 


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